I’ve been feeling extremely stressed recently and sometimes I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown. I’ve considered looking for professional help but my parents would not hear about it. What do I do?

From: Anxious

Dear Anxious,

I’m sorry to hear that you feel that way. It also sucks that your parents won’t hear you out.

Everyone has their different methods of dealing with stress, so I recommend you explore different hobbies and methods of self-care to see what works for you. However, I still have some tips, that work for me personally, which might help you!

First, I try to categorize the type of stress I’m dealing with. It could either be a pressure that I can tackle right now, or it could be a pressure I can’t tackle. For example, if I’m stressed about a class project due in a week, that’s a problem I can work on right now. But if, for example, I’m stressed about whether I’ll get a 5 on my AP test in May, that’s probably something I can’t work on in October.

When it’s a problem that I can work on right now, my best advice is to start. Even if you can’t be entirely productive, it’s always helpful to feel like you’ve made some progress. If you’re stressed about the amount of work you have to do, it helps just to break it down into pieces. I personally like to make a to-do list, so that I know exactly what I need to work on and when I can do it. Also, please don’t compromise your health for school. There are plenty of more sustainable ways to get your homework done than staying up late and neglecting your needs. 

It gets a little trickier when it’s a type of stress that you can’t deal with right now. In that case, that stress isn’t helpful at all. The best thing to do in that situation is just to find a way to get out of your own head. Distract yourself by watching YouTube, taking a bath, or making yourself a snack. You’ll find that, when focused on something else, you can temporarily forget about your stress. If it gets so bad that distractions don’t work, my best advice is to talk to someone. There are ways to get help that don’t require money or your parents’ permission. You could talk to a friend, a family member, the school counselor, or try a helpline.

Lifeline China: 400 821 1215

Shanghai Mental Health Center: 64387250

Last, I urge you to be patient with yourself. It isn’t helpful to berate yourself over small things. All that will do is send you spiraling further. Take care of yourself the way you would take care of a friend, or a small kitten. Make sure you drink enough water, get enough sleep, and eat enough food. Take a shower when you need to reset. Listen to music and go outside every once in a while. Getting better feels like a huge task, and it is, but it’s much more manageable when you can break it down into little steps.

All the best, 

Askolotl