How do I hide a 60kg chicken in the back of my car

From: D4vd

Hey D4vd! 

Well, as an old askolotl from the deepest floor of the ocean, though I don’t know much about why you would do that, I’ve thought of a great method in your top-secret mission in hiding a 60kg chicken! Follow these steps, and your delicious chicken will be COMPLETELY invisible. 

Phase 1: Pre-Transport Packaging 

First, DITCH THE EVIDENCE! Those flimsy supermarket bags are a dead giveaway. They rustle and squeak with no pattern. AND they leak, AND they scream “I have something suspicious here!” You must repackage immediately. Use some type of weird human-made styrofoam and label them clearly with misleading yet boring identifiers, something like “Archival Tax Documents”. 

Plus, I don’t know about you humans, but as an axolotl, finishing the 60kg chicken in a meal is probably not ideal for your stomach acid. So, start with a base layer of ice packs. Then, add about 1kg or so of frozen vegetables—peas and corn are ideal, so at least you can have a 60:1 ratio of chicken to vegetables. Absolutely balanced! Finally, seal the deal with the lid that you (hopefully) have.   

Phase 2: The Masterful Alibi

You must have a ready, boring, and slightly confusing explanation for your loaded vehicle. An alibi. If someone peers in, sigh wearily and say, “Ugh, I’m helping my friend Pyotr Ilich Tchaikovsky move his tax documents. Don’t ask.” People rarely do. 

Then, pretend to “unintentionally” guide them to somewhere over the rainbow, as long as it has a 5-meter safety distance from your precious blob of chicken. 

By following this guide, you will have transformed a potentially alarming car into a camouflaged mastermind. Remember: confidence is the best camouflage. Now go forth and may your chicken be delicious and undetected. 

Your wise friend, 

Askolotl